Stranded in Turkmenistan, and Mike Gets Assaulted in Rome.

For Fuck’s Sake, Let Us Out of This Country.

Our flight, booked months ago with FlyDubai, has been cancelled. We only found this out after no one appeared at the gate to check us in, though the flight was still showing on-time and as-scheduled on the airport monitors. After a number of increasingly urgent phone calls (those sim cards we bought, though limited in ability to surf the net, came in quite handy) we figured out our flight had been cancelled at some point and rescheduled for the following day. We’ve traveled together plenty of times now and we’ve missed flights before (like in the Seychelles, when we were a little too relaxed and just forget what time out flight was. Okay, we may have missed two flights that trip, both our fault, don’t judge us) but this time it wasn’t our fault. The problem though, aside from the fact that that was the only flight out on FlyDubai, is that our visas expired that day. You know what happens when you overstay your visa in a hermit-like police state? Well, neither do I, and we sure as shit were not going to find out. We sprung into action, all our sleepy cobwebs from being at the airport at 2 am quickly burned away. There were a few flights out of the country on two other airlines, but priority was placed on getting the fuck out of Turkmenistan as early as possible. Turkmenistan Airline had a flight out but it was in the evening, and the ticket counter was a bleary-eyed, sad-faced, unmoving wasteland of despair. Luckily, a small Turkish Airways counter opened and we were able to book a flight to Istanbul leaving just a little later than our original flight (which had been from Turkmenistan to Dubai to the U.S.). Turkish delight, indeed.

There was an upside however, as we ended up connecting through Italy and scored an overnight in Rome. Martha used some points that paid for most of a hotel room (do I still owe them money for that? Shit, I might) in the center of the city. I had been to Rome way back in 2004, but hadn’t been able to take a tour of the coliseum so I was pretty excited. For Mike and Martha, this was their first visit.

We didn’t have much time, just late afternoon and evening, but if there is one thing we do well together, it’s pack in a lot of tourism in to a short period of time. After taking the train to the city and dropping off our bags at the hotel, we hit the town. We made it the Colosseum, and the rainy weather cleared seemingly just for our walking tour, letting us snap a few good photos and appreciate the massively impressive ruin mostly dry.

Trevi Fountain. Totally a little-known local spot.

Yep that’s Mike turning a tripod into a poor mans drone.

We walked through the city and had gelato while admiring the Trevi fountain, then hopped in a taxi to walkthrough the Vatican courtyard. It was too late at this point for a tour of any of it’s famous museums, so we gamboled about, taking photos and catching Pokémon (why did my phone battery keep draining so fast? Oh, that’s just Martha using leeching my hotspot so she can try and catch Torkoal. Just kidding, Torkoal wasn’t there).

Dinner was at a well-reviewed casual pizza and pasta joint, where we shared a couple of large pies and a bottle of wine.

In the morning, while at the train station kiosk buying our ticket to the airport, Mike was viciously assaulted.

Okay, it wasn’t exactly vicious, but he was slapped on the shoulder by a very loud and aggressive panhandler. It’s a nice little scam-scheme they run, running up to you as you are buying your ticket, yelling and gesturing in Italian that your using the wrong machine and/or buying the wrong tickets. They then press all the buttons for you (same ones you were pressing) and then expect a tip. Nice try, but we weren’t having it, and they scammer got so mad he yelled even more and then slapped Mike on the should and scurried off. When in Rome, right?

Or something.

Not every trip is a sobering eye-opener like this one (thank god, that would be exhausting). One that brings into sharp focus the how complicated and harsh the world is, how horrible we humans are to each other, and – even with all of it’s own problems and complexities – how sometimes it’s just nice to be home.

Tired, jet-lagged, dehydrated, but strangely content, we (for real this time) head back home.

How we got here: Turkmenistan to Istanbul to Rome on Turkish airways. I think it was $400 for the flight, then a $300 change fee. Somehow I ended up with an $800 credit though. Natch!

Where we stayed: Hotel Una Nice hotel in a great location.

What we did: Colosseum tour, Trevi Fountain, Vatican walkabout, delicious dinner and gelato tasting. Limoncello FOR THE WIN.