Fermented Horse Milk is Kind of a NightMARE.
Almaty, Kazakhstan. Part One of a Five Country Central Asia Tour.
Take whatever you know about Kazakhstan and throw it out the window. Well, take 90% of it and throw it out. Okay, let’s be honest. You probably don’t know anything about Kazakhstan anyways, so let’s just start from scratch, shall we? I flew a red-eye on Turkish Airways from Florida to Almaty, Kazakhstan, and met up with my friends, Mike and Martha, for a five country tour of central Asia. It’s a lot of ground to cover in a short time, but we aren’t pensioners on retirement (as our guide said), so we have to make the best of it.
Sunkar Falcon Refuge
Our first day was a busy one (but also a comfortable one, as they drove the three of us around in a giant Mercedes van) that started just after breakfast. We toured the city, walked through the Green Bizaar -where you can find row after row of butchered horse meat for sale - and the Panfilov Park, saw various Soviet era monuments and memorials. The city itself reminds me of Sofia (LOTS of lumpy, gray, concrete buildings) but obviously with strong Asian influences. The culture really feels all over the place when you first get here. It’s primarily a Muslim country, which speaks Russian, but looks Asian. It’s a very interesting mix of influences that turns out to be pretty charming.
Coffee from the back of a van at Almaty Lake - delicious!
Almaty Lake
Our guide, Janara, toured us through the State Museum in the afternoon, during which I may have actually fallen asleep standing up. Not that it wasn’t interesting, it was, but I had been awake maybe 48 hours at this points, not to mention jet lag. I didn’t think Janara noticed, but as we moved along she looked pointedly at me and say “I know this is work for you Gregory”, so I think she did. We ended the day at a restaurant near the Green Bizaar where, in my sleep-deprived state, I asked our guide if she could arrange for a tasting of Kumys. Kumys is fermented horse milk, and it’s mildly alcoholic, similar to beer- which should be taboo here because of Islam, but it gets a pass as it’s natural, and even halal. As luck would have it, Janara lives outside of the city and her neighbor happens to have a horse farm. So first thing the next day, before we started our several hour tour through winding mountains to view Almaty Lake, we had a few glasses of fresh, thick, tangy, fermented horse milk. I managed to drink the two glasses that were offered to me (I did ask for it after all, and she was kind enough to go out of her way to provide it) and I think I mostly silenced the screams of my taste buds dying a horrible death, but it wasn’t easy. It has a sweet, malty taste, like someone shaved a ferret and blended the fur with sour yogurt to make a milkshake from hell. It’s like someone wore a pair of socks for a month in a tropical environment, then used the socks to filter spoiled horse milk into a cup of sugar, then set it out in the sun for a couple days. It’s not good. It’s now up there on the list of Worst Things To Taste Ever, along with durian and natto. Martha suffered through it pretty well like I think I did, but Mike, not so much. It really didn’t sit well with him, and it wasn’t the best thing to have sloshing around your gut while we hit an hours worth of switchbacks on the way up the mountain. He ranked it as the official Worst Tasting Thing Ever, and considering how much he has travelled, that’s saying something. It’s now my unofficial goal to see if I can get us into social situations where he is forced to drink more, because I’m that good of a friend.
Kumys, fermented mares milk
All together now
Our last day was a bit of shopping at the Kok Tobe center, and visit to Sunkar Falcon Farm, a rescue and rehab center for hunting birds. The birds of prey were amazing and a rare chance to see them up close, which unless you’re a falcon hunter, is otherwise not likely to happen. Almaty was pleasant surprise, really off the usually tourist beat, but a great way to get your start in central Asia. Tomorrow, we pack up and take our (giant) minibus overland to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan, for hopefully more mare milk.
The full gallery is below, but first here is a montage of a kid snatching pigeons from the ground and tossing them in the air. The birds were fine, they just flew around and landed right back where they were. I don’t know why it tickled me so much, I’ve just never seen anyone do that. I tried it a few times and wasn’t nearly as good at it as this kid, though he did have the advantage of being closer to the ground. I’ll chalk it up to that.
How I got there: Boston to Paris to Istanbul to Almaty via United/Turkish Air.
What we did: Green Bazaar, Panfilov Park, Zenkov Cathedral, Memorial of Glory and Eternal Flame, Modeo Gorge, Kok Tobe Hill, Almaty Lake, State Museum, Sunkar Falcons Farm
