The Skeleton Coast
The drive from Etosha to Swakopmund took the expected three six hours and was pretty straightforward. Warthogs frolicked in the ditches along the roadside but otherwise the scenery wasn’t exactly inspiring. Tired, and with bellies filled with assorted sweet and savory gas station snacks, we checked into our hotel and set out to find best spot for a gin and tonic. Which, conveniently, just happened to be right below the hotel I booked. A shocking coincidence.
Swakopmund
Bar pup
Littered with both ancient and present-day shipwrecks, the Skeleton Coast is a desolate, dangerous stretch of waterfront. Swakopmund is situated at the lower end of this stretch, and with it’s charming German inspired architecture, reminds me a great deal of Asmara, the Eritrean capital built by Mussolini in a sort futurist colonial Italian architecture style that’s strikingly well preserved today. Swakopmund isn’t as dramatic, but still feels more than a bit surreal to stroll along the seaside mainstreet lines with half-timbered houses. Our mission for this stop was to visit some ship wrecks and see the seal and flamingo colonies along the shore. The shipwrecks were haunting, the flamingoes were cute, but the seal colony was the most memorable by far.
Skelton Coast Shipwreck The Zeila
Skelton Coast Shipwreck The Zeila
Less than a hour north of Swakopmund, Cape Cross Seal Colony is home to several hundred thousand Cape Fur seals and the experience is …stirring. All your senses will be engaged, whether you want them to be or not. After paying a small fee at the park entrance, you a short way to the base of the seal colony. There’s a boardwalk to stroll across and admire the wriggling mass of bodies from a distance, but it’s not truly fenced or barricaded so expect to see some of them doing a little shuffle around you and the cars in the parking lot. The first thing you experience though, before you even get close to the animals, is the smell. It’s hard to describe, but it is potent. The smell doesn’t travel on the breeze, it IS the breeze. It doesn’t gently waft, no, it slaps you in the face like this, with the force of a thousand -no TEN thousand- flippers. Your eyes water, gag reflexes are engaged, and you try and hold your breath, but there’s no escape. The smell is like… imagine a dolphin with irritable bowel syndrome has just eaten at a seafood gumbo buffet, but then got food poisoning, and had to wear a diaper because of all the squirting, jet-streaming diarrhea (just go with it). Then, you take that slimy, oceanic, squishy, dripping, dirty diaper and smash your face in it. That’s what it’s like. But worse.
Cape Fur Seal Colony gets an unwelcome visitor.
A gathering
A discussion
A meditation.
A contemplation
A tussle
An observation
A snack time
A …sleep
A snoot
A scratch
A cuddle puddle
There’s also the sound. This one is easier - imagine a football stadium filled with bombinating, hungry goats. Yes, goats. Seals are basically sea goats. In fact, we should start a petition to change their name to sea goats. I’ll add that to my to-do list. If you close your eyes and listen to this video, you can’t tell the difference:
Let’s talk about sunset cruises, a staple in the tourist diet and something we usually avoid. I can watch the sunset from the beach for free, and I won’t get seasick that way. There’s also the time spent driving back and forth from the dock, which eats into precious vacation hours. So normally, hard pass. But this cruise had something special. This cruise had (mostly) friendly seals! Several of the smarter sea goats seals have figured out that the catamaran tours are a reliable source of snacks, and hop on and off along the tour. The younger, friendlier ones get pets and treats, while the older, angrier ones get snacks…from a much safer distance. After paying Bobby a fish tax, we dined on giant oysters and chamapge as we tooled around the bay, the sun setting on both horizon and this leg of the trip.
Me trying to figure out how seal hugs work.
Kisses
Making new friends
Seal snuggles
Sunset tour of Walvis Bay
Proof Mike has the occasional alcohol.
Sunset tour.
Swakopmund is a odd little oasis, but it’s safe, quirky, and interesting. We stayed a few nights and then -filled up with gin, tonics, and German food - we headed out into the dessert. On the way out of town we stopped in at Walvis Bay to pay tribute to the menacing looking flamingos that rusticate there year round. Look at their eyes! I had no idea what’s usually a Florida lawn decoration could look so haunting.
Someone must have been texting on the toilet and gotten pink eye.
Walvis Bay
Flamingo from Hell, probably.
Hungry Hyena doing a hello outside of the seal colony.
How we got here: Long ass drive from Etosha.
Where we stayed: Swakopmund Luxury Suites. Little overpriced for the area but is has parking and a good breakfast included.
