How to Bribe the Police in Namibia
Namibia may be one of the least populated countries on earth - only Mongolia has fewer people per mile (or kilometer for non-Americans) but it’s filled with animals, beautiful otherworldly scenery, well maintained roads, and a surprising amount of boutique gin distilleries. There are a lot of countries in Africa, but few are as easy and safe to visit as Namibia. We came primarily for the sprawling national park Etosha but found so much more to love here. I mean, they filmed the movie Mad Max Fury Road here, so it has to be awesome, right? Right.
Namibia was German colony at the start of the century before being consumed by South Africa in the 1960’s. It got its independence in 1990 and has been a stable and generally peaceful democracy since. Windhoek is the capital and after a smooth arrival, we picked up our rental car and headed north to Etosha National Park, one of the largest parks in Africa. But first, a note about rental cars here. The check in process is thorough, and they show you how to change a flat tire in detail. Why all the fuss, if the roads are so good? Well, they are good….for Africa. Truly. But the country is vast, and many remote points are connected with washboard gravel roads lined with predatory rocks. Flats will happen, and probably in a place quite removed from anyone who can help. There were hours on this trip where we didn’t pass a single car, or house, and no matter hard they try, the wild ostriches roaming the countryside cannot actually change a tire. They don’t have thumbs! So, pay attention when picking up the car and pro tip - ask for two spare tires. You really may need them.
After a quick stop for groceries, we hit the road and headed north to Etosha. How long is the drive? Well, look, I planned the trip months before we arrived and things got busy before we left, so I was a little fuzzy on some of the details on arrival. Like how long certain legs of the trip were, for example. My default was just to say 3 hours, which is kind of what I recalled, but oh man, nothing is just three hours away. More like five. And a half. Or six. Sorry everyone, my bad, but at least we got to see lots of the country and try out a huge variety of car snacks!
Road trip snacks
Saving this phone number for a friend.
We chose to stay a bit more on the luxury side for out first visit and picked the Mushara Lodge. It’s the kind of place that puts hot water bottles at the foot of the bed so you toes are toasty as you drift off to sleep, and had some of the best food we had the entire three weeks we were in Africa.
Mushara Lodge
Etosha is a huge park that offers the chance to do a self-driven safari. This gives you the chance to explore at your own pace in the comfort of your own car, which is great, but I would also recommend taking a safari tour offered by the lodge. The lodge safaris benefit from a radio network that helps the driver (and you) keep up with elusive animal sightings. If you’re doing any kind of safari, it means you’re going out at sunrise and/or sunset as the middle of the day is generally a dead zone of activity with the animals wisely hiding from the hot sun, and/or predators, so bring some layers to stay warm. The guides get paid by bringing you to the animals, and they will drive that safari truck like it’s a Maserati to get you to the entry gate in time to beach the other tourists.
Making new friends at the park registration area.
Mongoose buddies (forgive the portrait video)
Don’t play cards with the guy, he’s a cheetah.
We spent a few days at the lodge in proper safari mode eating kudu, impala, and oryx for dinner, and the spending the next day avoiding eye contact with those very same animals roaming the park. When in Rome, right?
Long stretch of open road cutting through the loam.
It’s on our way out of Etosha, heading to Swakopmund that we ran afoul of the police.
What did we do wrong? Well, nothing, but also something. The nothing part is we were tourist, cruising down the road -under the speed limit as we had heard about how the law there can be enthusiastic about traffic enforcement here - and were flagged to pull over approaching an intersection. Tourists on a road trip here stand out as we all have to rent essentially the same vehicle: a white 4x4 suv, or truck, often with a tent on the top. They come in no other color, and that alone is usually enough to identify foreigners, from a distance. Add in a car full of folks with lighter complexions and well, the odds of them being local are basically zero.
So what did we do wrong? One of us in the backseat wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Not exactly a felony level crime, but it was enough to warrant a ticket. The officer made a big show of pulling out his “offense” book and showing where the infraction was, and how much the fine was ($50 roughly). He then ever so slowly started to write out the ticket after informing us we would have to backtrack to the police station to pay the fine. Like, comically slow, as if he was unsure of how a pen worked, or its relationship to the paper in the other hand. He was temporizing, but why? At this point Tara asked where the police station was and he just gestured to the road behind us and said “that way, why, are you in a hurry?” I knew something was a little odd about the stop but then it clicked - he wanted us to be in a hurry because our next question would be “can we just pay you instead?”.
“Well, you could pay me but only the station can give you a receipt.” Ah, there is it. At this point we had a choice right, we pay him or accept the ticket. If we accept the ticket, did we actually have to go back to the station? No probably not, but if he was a dick he could have made us turn around and sent us on a goose chase to find it. Maybe if we had pressed the issue he would have just given us a warning and waved us on, after all he’s just out for a quick buck probably. But….we had a three hour five hour drive to get to the coast, and didn’t really want to waste precious vacation minutes screwing around with a greedy constable. So…
“I guess we don’t need a receipt if we could just pay you and be on our way.”
Perhaps it wasn’t really a bribe since we only kind of did something wrong, sort of, but it was at least a tourist scam. Did it sour our visit? Not really. It seemed a small price to pay for what’s overall a lovely country, but those types of semi-official predatory scams definitely can leave a bad taste. It shouldn’t happen, but if that’s the worst thing that happens on a self drive through the African desert, then … oh well.
Some favorite photos from the trip are below, and next up we head to the Skeleton Coast via a three (read: five) hour drive through the heart of Namibia. Everyone better wear their seatbelts for the rest of the trip.
